An attempt to regain control of myself...

[tallulahangie]

Monday 16th February 2009 - 8.40am

Mondays are always slow and quiet at work so it gives me an opportunity to jot down some thoughts on what I will be doing over the next few weeks.

It should be noted that I am commuting to Sydney for work by train from the Central Coast. I leave home at 6.30am and get to work at 8.00am. Then in the evenings I leave work at 5.15pm and I get home at 6.50pm. Long day and the only opportunity that I get to go to the gym is in my lunchbreaks. Not too sure how adding in morning and evening stints on the bike will go but I need to shift some weight that's for sure!

Got my Spin bike out of storage over the weekend and brought it back to where I am living at the moment. This morning I got up at 5.20am and cranked out 35 mins of cycling. The damn bike has gone crazy whilst in storage - the resistance varies from really easy to so hard I can't push the pedals (even when standing up!), there's no happy medium so to speak. Will get my Grand-dad to take a look at it during the week and see if we can fix it.

Cleaning up my diet is going to be a bit of a struggle as I have been eating erratically (mainly on the weekends) and the types of food and quantities are a bit of a concern. So the plan for today is as follows:

Meal 1: 4 egg whites/1 yolk plus 1 piece multi-grain toast

Meal 2: Small apple and 30 almonds

Meal 3: Tuna and salad, 1 small pear

Meal 4: Low fat yoghurt

Meal 5: Small piece of steak and Steam Fresh Veges

Diet is not too different from what I usually eat during the week, the major difference being that Meal 6 won't be a large serve of cake and ice-cream or chocolate, therein the challenge lies.

Don't even get me started on protein shakes. For some reason I can't stomach them at the moment. All the protein powders that I have tried of late have made me gag. Not to mention things are rather restricted with finances at the moment. I'll work on finding a suitable protein powder as I need to be getting more protein in my diet.

Exercise plan as follows:

25 minutes Spin Bike in the morning before trip to work

Weights in my lunchbreak

25 minutes Spin Bike in the evening before dinner.

Can't get to the gym in my lunchbreak today as I have a meeting with my Mortgage Broker. I'm in the process of buying my first home as here in Australia if you buy an existing property the government gives you $14,000 to put towards it and waives their stamp duty, otherwise if you build a new house you can get up to $24,000 in grants. I wish I had the financial capacity to build a new house, but alas I do not. So I'm a little bit nervous and uptight about all of that.

I think that's enough for now. Will attempt to update regularly. \:D/

[teamfatboy]

Nice to see the Journal, TA - the plan looks good....and good luck with the Broker

Just wondering whether doing the spin-bike after dinner, last thing before bed would give you more time - or does cardio leave you wide-awake and unable to sleep

[laurasaur]

man I have been hearing a lot about this aussie home grant!! SO JEALOUS!! Grrr.

I am in a very similar place to you so I will be watching your journal with interest. I have just been able to regain control of my excessive eating and get back into the cardio and weights Best of luck.

[tallulahangie]

Monday turned out a bit like this...

Food

Meal 1: 4 egg whites/1 yolk plus 1 piece multi-grain toast

Meal 2: Small apple and 30 almonds

Meal 3: Tuna and salad (yucky Rocket Mix of which I chucked half out)

Meal 4: Low fat yoghurt

Meal 5: Turkey Stew (Turkey, carrots, peas, brocolli in Chicken Stock)

*Cup of tea with milk and 2 tsp sugar.*

Exercise

35 Minutes Spin Bike before trip to work

45 Minutes Spin bike after work

Felt a bit hungry before lunch. Gagged on my tuna at lunch and then I wasn't hungry at all for the rest of the day.

Meeting went well with the Mortgage Broker. But I am stressed about finding a place. Considering getting a block of land and building a house because the government will give me $24K to do that. I'm starting to get nervous and anxious about it all. This is a big deal buying your first home!

Couldn't get to sleep on Monday night... Not too sure why that was. Filled with adrenaline. I'm rather amped at the moment in regards to my weightloss, I'm sick of being a blimp!

[marky65]

Buying a first home can make you a bit stressed. It all comes right in the end though.

Whats your goal weight wise and how much do you want to lose?

I am sure you will get there. Good things take time. :nod:

[Varven]

Central coast to Syd city everymorning ?

your motivated!!!

Go the first home buyers grant!!!

and no stamp duty !!!

buy now

[tallulahangie]

Tuesday at a glance...

Food

Meal 1: 4 egg whites/1 yolk plus 1 piece multi-grain toast

Meal 2: Small apple and 30 almonds

Meal 3: Tuna

*Cup of tea with milk and 3 Equal tabs.*

Meal 4: Low fat yoghurt

Meal 5: Steak and Steam Fresh Veges

*Cup of tea with milk and 2 tsp sugar.*

Exercise

Gym before work - Weights - Arms

30 minutes Spin Bike after work

3.18pm - Was a 'bit' tired and not thinking straight. Had a bit of a headache. A bit emotional and thoughts out of control. *SIGH*

My mood picked up at around 6.45pm when I drove past a house that I like that I could possibly reno or knock down and rebuild. Got very excited indeed! Made the 30 mins on the spin bike go very quickly indeed.

[teamfatboy]

Sounds like you could put the cardio to good use knocking the house down :grin:

Good luck!

[tallulahangie]

Bloody hell I am exhausted. Wednesday and Thursday mornings have been very tough. On both days my alarm has gone off and I have laid spread-eagled in bed unable to move because my body is so stiff and sore! Eeek! I remember waking in the middle of the night moaning because I was so uncomfortable!!!

Wednesday afternoon I was so cranky! I remember snapping at my colleague a few times and I felt bad.

Wednesday night I went for a 45 minute walk/run/jog/skip/dance on the beach as the sun decided to return from it's ten day holiday! The beach was fairly quiet so I was singing, yelling and carrying on and it was great to have that release after being so uptight all day.

Wednesday in review...

Food

Meal 1: 4 egg whites/1 yolk plus 1 piece multi-grain toast with butter

*Cup of coffee with milk and 3 Equal tabs.*

Meal 2: Small apple and 30 almonds

Meal 3: Tuna

Meal 4: Low fat yoghurt

Meal 5: Steak and Steam Fresh Veges

Exercise

Gym - Legs & Shoulders

45 Minutes Exercise at beach after work.

Think Thursday will be a self-prescribed rest day...

[tallulahangie]

Thursday was a rest day and boy did I need it! I feel much better today but I think that is because it is Friday and the weather is a lot clearer - YAY!

Didn't get my lazy ass out of bed this morning to do my cardio so I'll have to make it up tonight when I get home from work, albeit late because I have an event from 4pm to 6pm and then I probably won't get home till 8pm and then have dinner... Thank god it's Friday! LOL!

Food

Meal 1: 4 egg whites/1 yolk plus 1 piece multi-grain toast with butter

Meal 2: Small apple and 30 almonds

Meal 3: Tuna

Meal 4: Low fat yoghurt

Meal 5: Chicken drumstick with tablespoon gravy, small serve 5 bean mix, small serve Mixed Veges

Meal 6: 8 Dates

Yayyyyyyyyyy! It's Friday!!!!!!!!

[tallulahangie]

Quick update...

Weekend wasn't too bad foodwise. Had a few little treats here and there but nowhere near the quantities that I'd been having previously. Exercised both Saturday and Sunday with cardio. Was on my feet all day Saturday househunting and looking at Display Homes and Sunday I went to the shopping mall - makes a change from sitting still all day!

More motivated and focussed than ever. I definitely want to drop some weight before Easter in a few weeks time, approx 3kgs if I can.

Will keep you posted!

[tallulahangie]

Meal 1: 4 egg whites/1 yolk plus 1 piece multi-grain toast

*Cup of coffee with milk and 3 Equal tabs.*

Meal 2: Small pear and 30 almonds

Meal 3: Tuna and salad

Meal 4: Low fat yoghurt

Meal 5: Chicken and veges

25 minutes Spin Bike before work

Gym - Arms & Abs

25 minutes Spin Bike after work.

I'm starting to get a little impatient - I want results straight away goddammit! But I know that this is one of the longest painstaking processes that you can go through in life. I get angry at myself for letting myself get so out of shape... Oh well, what can I do? The past is the past and I can only change my future.

[tallulahangie]

Tuesday 24th February 2009

Food

Meal 1: 4 egg whites/1 yolk plus 1 piece multi-grain toast

Meal 2: Small pear and 30 almonds

Meal 3: Tuna and salad

*Cup of tea with milk and 3 Equal tabs.*

Meal 4: Low fat yoghurt

Meal 5: Steak and veges

Exercise

20 Mins Spin Bike before work

Gym - Legs & Shoulders (although felt a bit weak throughout the session)

30 Mins Spin bike after work

This week I seem to be feeling much better. Not as tired as I was last week! Think that my body is now into a routine. Yay!

[Varven]

Hang in there ...

one suggestion.. On days where you have weight workouts, incl some good carbs in your pre work out meal?

Rationale being, the carbs will boost your pushing ability with the weights.... yes you are sacrificing burning a wee bit of fat by pre feeding, but the strenght/muscle gains in the mid term will cause more fat loss.

And same with post workout meal after weights, do include some carbs and go easy the rest of the day...

[tallulahangie]

Finding the diet ok for now. Usually have enough energy by lunch to complete a good workout but yesterday I just wasn't feeling very well. My glands are up and feeling a bit sore so perhaps I've caught a virus or something that my body is fending off? I do spend a lot of time on public transport, so something that I have to be wary about...

[teamfatboy]

I'm starting to get a little impatient - I want results straight away goddammit! But I know that this is one of the longest painstaking processes that you can go through in life. I get angry at myself for letting myself get so out of shape... Oh well, what can I do? The past is the past and I can only change my future.

Welcome (or is it welcome back?) to the same world as the rest of us! Yes, it's hard, but you've been here before, you know you can do it. Don't beat yourself up, just focus on changing what you can...and fight off those pesky germs!

[tallulahangie]

Update

The last few days of last week were rather busy what with it being end of month and all and trying to smash budgets. By the time Saturday came I was so exhausted and flat so I spent part of the day catching up with documentaries on ABC and the Little Britain DVDs. In the afternoon I took a long walk on the beach in the sunshine and felt much better for it!

Sunday was a prescribed rest day – no exercise whatsoever.

This morning I vowed to myself that I will try harder to lose weight. I was walking up the stairs at the train station and my skirt (which is a little bit tight) was riding up, enough so that the passengers on the platform below copped an eyeful. So I guess an interim goal for me is to lose enough weight so my skirt is a little bit looser. That or just buy a larger skirt… LOL!

Back into the grind today. Hopefully it will be a slow Monday so I can ease back into the working week gently.

[tallulahangie]

Monday went a little something like this...

Food

Meal 1: 4 egg whites/1 yolk plus 1 piece multi-grain toast

Meal 2: Protein Shake and nectarine

Meal 3: Tuna and salad

Meal 4: Low fat yoghurt

Meal 5: Kangaroo & veges

Exercise

30 minutes spin bike before work

Gym - Chest & Back

45 minutes spin bike after work

Mondays are the best for me as I'm rested and recovered from the weekend. Energy-wise I wish everday was a Monday!

[tallulahangie]

Where does time go? I've been incredibly busy and on the go constantly and I'm a bit worn out, that's probably why I'm sitting at home writing this instead of at work. :pfft: It feels like my body has given up on me and is out of sync with my mind. I'm not sure what I want in regards to my weightloss anymore.

Weighed myself on Saturday and had only lost a measly 400g! At least it is a loss. I'm so determined to get to lose 3kg by Easter (well, not today coz my body is sore and achy). Grrrr... I hate fighting against my body!

Hopefully I'll have some good news to report soon.

[runveerun]

You're doing fine! Your diet looks great! Kangaroo is supposed to be really lean huh? Just keep at it! Good things take time and Geez I know that this building muscle and losing weight is a SSSSLLLLLOOOOOWWWW process BUT it does work and as long as you keep to your diet and exercise regime results WILL happen! AND they already are you have lost some weight already which is GREAT!

Keep going!! Don't stop!! :clap: :clap:

[tallulahangie]

I've crashed into a high brick wall and I've never been very good at climbing over brick walls so I tend to dig myself into a deep hole and make things harder for myself.

Tuesday was not a god day at all. Not good. Very, very bad in the scheme of things. Let's just say that I really have to stop this self-loathing behaviour. I didn't exercise, my diet was clean until I got home from work and just ate and ate and ate for the sake of eating and making myself feel sick. I think I ate something like one half of a rockmelon, a bowl of muesli with honey and milk (actually REALLY enjoyed this, lol), 20 dates, 2 chocolate biscuits and the really bad thing... a Mars bar... It could have been a whole lot worse i guess. Physically I felt fine about eating it all, but psychologically I'm messed up about it all.

In fact I'm messed up fullstop. I gave myself 6 weeks to lose 3kg. It's now just over 4 weeks to Easter and I've f*cked up, still with 3kg to lose. Perhaps I shouldn't have set myself a goal such as this? Maybe this stress, anxiety and pressure to lose this weight in this time has caused me to react this particular way?

So here I am. Didn't get up this morning to do my morning cardio as I can't see the point in it anymore. I hate myself so much right now. I hate the way that I look... Grrrrr...

Will reassess things over the next couple of days and set some more acheiveable goals.

[Progress]

I think its the starting out point which is hardest. Was for me at least. After a while when progress becomes evident, and compliments start coming your way, it gives you all the motivation you need... in the meantime, try and refocus any negative aspect into aggression/determination in the gym/exercising/etc.

I know from experience when I feel shitty, I start tend to start retreating and become withdrawn and totally inactive. Though for me I usually start eating way less than normal. These things just compound how crap I feel, and its only once I shake this off, and say to myself "stuff that! I NEED to get active again!" (and TRUST that it will help me, whether or not it feels though it will at the time) that I crank out a workout or two, start eating right again, and suddenly feel totally revitalized and back on track. Mood improves, outlook improves, fitness improves, looks improve.

I've tried to combat these negative influences, and have had a lot of success in doing so. Stick with it. Refocus the negative into determination. After a little while it will have its own momentum, and you'll find it much much easier to stick with your improved lifestyle and goals. \:D/

[laurasaur]

Dont worry hun I do/used to do the exact same thing. Set myself a goal like 6kgs to lose in 3 months and after 3 months I've gained 3kgs... ha ha. Key=moderation.

[biggurl27]

Good advice Progress.....like he said! Man I'm a bad ass too! From loads with experience and getting past this frame of mind/feeling low, no energy I find the best advice is to set realistic goals and follow the wise words of NIKE "Just do it!!".

[Progress]

Good advice Progress.....like he said! Man I'm a bad ass too! From loads with experience and getting past this frame of mind/feeling low, no energy I find the best advice is to set realistic goals and follow the wise words of NIKE "Just do it!!".

Thanks, I do what I can

It sounds kinda cheesy and almost a "rose-tinted" view of life... "Just do it".... but it really does work, for most people most of the time I think.

But yeah, that first step can seem daunting when everything appears stacked against you. Again, from experience. But one way or another, you just have to karate chop that negativity that's dragging you down out of the way HIIIIYAAA!

I'm sure you already know this, but it's crucial to get those endorphins flowing! Intense exercise has been shown over and over again to release endorphins which dramatically improve mood, and overall wellbeing - which of course allows you to get more out of your new found energy and health! BigNikeGurl said it best, Just Do It. I'll stop waffling on for now :wink: I better go eat a few chickens and a bag of oats and get to work.