jokes

[loveggs]

One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. The man sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes.

Meanwhile, all the other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him. As soon as he pulled onto the street, the officer stopped him, read him his rights and administered the breathalyzer test to determine his blood-alcohol content.

The results showed a reading of 0.0.

The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver replied, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."

[Shutupandsquat]

*bird calls and grasshopper sounds*

[Jigga]

that was good

[holdenman]

A divorced man bumps into his ex-wife's new husband at a party.

After knocking back a few drinks, he walks over to the guy and sneers: "So, how do you like using second-hand goods?"

"Doesn't bother me," the new husband replies.

"Once you get past the first three inches, it's all brand new."

[loveggs]

*bird calls and grasshopper sounds*

hahah yeah your short enough to hang with grass hoppers

[Shutupandsquat]

Really? Lol. Come on, surely you can do better sweetums.

[loveggs]

nice one holdenman

[crazyfacials]

won't like...that made me smile

[loveggs]

Two midgets go into a bar, where they pick up two "working girls" and take them to their separate hotel rooms. The first midget however, is unable to get an erection. His depression is made worse by the fact that, from the next room, he hears his friend shouting out cries of . . .

"Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE UGH!" "Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE . . .UGH!" This goes on ALL NIGHT LONG. In the morning, the two met up at breakfast, the second dwarf asks the first, "How did it go?"

The first mutters, "It was embarrassing. I just couldn't get an erection." The second midget shook his head. and said "You think that's embarrassing?

I couldn't even get on the bed