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Real jokers!

Tonkintechnique

By Tonkintechnique
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maccaz Veteran member

maccaz

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Thought this could be a bit of laugh if it's allowed, Anybody on here worked as a bouncer, hospo staff, Police, Ambo etc dealing with intoxed people?

 

What's some of the most stupid stuff you have heard or seen while working?

on the topic of wasted people, there was a domestic between a couple in my building last night , the guy was fried off his face, full chewing his face, and this chick was sloppy drunk. she runs up to me outside while im walking my chihuahuas (lol) and is all "plz call the cops hes gonna kill me" i told her my phones flat cos shes just being dramatic clearly, the guy was just cracking up at her calling her crazy

 

hes so fried hes trying to play great guy, shaking my hand etc, rambling on to me that he loves her and shes breaking his heart, shes saying hes a loser he hasnt had a job in a year, so i feel bad if i call the cops and she seemed to be unharmed but was saying her arm was broken (it wasnt broken)

 

so i was like ok wait here, took my dogs home because they dont need to be involved if i have to fight either the guy or the girl

 

come back down, the chicks sitting in the car shes locked him out, she was a hysterical drunk lunatic, hes just telling her to calm down, full on trailer park kind of scene

 

the guy starts saying hes gonna kill her cat im like m8 dont talk shit ur not gonna kill the cat

 

in the end im real cranky i want to get to bed so im like ok walk them back to their apartment, tell them il be back in 30mins to make sure they havent killed each other or im calling the cops, had a feed, went past their apartment, they all happy again

 

waste of my bloody time. next time il call the cops and tell them hes an ice dealer or something so i dont have to see him again

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Tonkintechnique Member

Tonkintechnique

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That's not ideal hard to read things like that ae. Good on you for going back though bro!!

 

I've bounced off on for a few years now back when I was in the army and all through Studying was actually just bouncing last w.e when this guy who was just hanging around was telling me how when he once knocked out 20 Army boys in a 1 vs 20 fight lol and how he's a black belt in Muay Thai and has a 50 cal revolver in his car which he would usually have on his belt in a holster. Keep in mind this guy wasn't even very drunk, things like this I've never understood what the hell is the point of telling these stories hahaha

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maccaz Veteran member

maccaz

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lol those kind of stories are the worst eh

these days because of that shit i cant be bothered even going out unless its an actual occasion i cant get out of, zero interest. 

 

indian guy at my old work used to do bouncing and reckoned he could get me a job if i want i said no way, id go crazy

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HarryB Veteran member

HarryB

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I pulled up to a servo after a night on the door and saw a women clearly distressed bawling her eyes out sitting on the curb. I asked her if she was OK and she starts freaking out. . "Watch out, my bf is really violent and if he sees you talking to me blah blah blah" .. I noticed she had a fat lip. Anyway while she's blabbering I hear this guy screaming "stay away from her. .. you're gonna get it... mind your own business etc etc etc" then this guy runs up but as he gets closer to me he gets slower and slower and is like "I'm a black belt at karate"... so I said.. "that's nice.." as I walked towards him. And off he ran.. I guess 120k Samoan must be a bit more intimidating than his tiny Mrs. I hate domestic shit but there isn't much you can do for people who won't help themselves. Would gave enjoyed giving him a hiding though :) just not enough to run after him..

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Tonkintechnique Member

Tonkintechnique

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I pulled up to a servo after a night on the door and saw a women clearly distressed bawling her eyes out sitting on the curb. I asked her if she was OK and she starts freaking out. . "Watch out, my bf is really violent and if he sees you talking to me blah blah blah" .. I noticed she had a fat lip. Anyway while she's blabbering I hear this guy screaming "stay away from her. .. you're gonna get it... mind your own business etc etc etc" then this guy runs up but as he gets closer to me he gets slower and slower and is like "I'm a black belt at karate"... so I said.. "that's nice.." as I walked towards him. And off he ran.. I guess 120k Samoan must be a bit more intimidating than his tiny Mrs. I hate domestic shit but there isn't much you can do for people who won't help themselves. Would gave enjoyed giving him a hiding though :) just not enough to run after him..

 

Not sure where you bounced bro but did you have many people getting in your facing saying lay one finger on me and I'll have you for assault? this is actually one of most annoying things especially when your just calmly standing there and they have come up to you and started the ordeal lol. 

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BeastBuilder Senior member

BeastBuilder

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Lol fuckkk.. Too many stories to tell them all haha.

I was a bouncer for couple years while I was PTing during the week, was pretty lols.

I'll play ball though with a couple good stories.

Buckle Up Kiddies.

Right, first one funny..

Was bouncing at a bar called Revival, it has streets on both sides with a back fence on one side into the courtyard bit and the door is on the opposite end so as you can imagine lots of fruit cups get denied and think they're the smartest c*nt ever and go try jump the back fence, which is about 8 feet tall btw. Anyway so one night a lad is climbing the fence, I see him and just walk over, he doesn't notice me at all but everyone around sees what's going on. He gets to the top of the fence, loses his balance, falls right at my feet, absolutely eats gravel hard lol. Gets up cheering not realizing I'm security, face is fucked, everyone around is silent. As soon as he looks at me and clicks he's just like soz bro I'll leave now etc etc, goes to walk past me to the front, I stop him, I'm like u wot m8 go out the way you came in u little bitch. Anyway f*ck all he can do, everyone is just laughing at him as he climbs the fence again, and low and behold same shit as before, loses his balance at the top, face plants again, everyone loses their shit. And didn't ever see him again haha.

Second story is funny but fucking rough on one bloke but he was a prick..

So bouncing at a different bar called Aikmans. Full of sloots, rich silver foxes and prep boys living off daddy's coin basically. Funny as to work at cos they all entitled as f*ck and don't listen to you so get to f*ck shit up basically every shift lol. Anyhow this one night I hear these jokers going at it in the toilets and I'm just like f*ck it, get the key unlock the door, walk in alpha as fuark, bitch is on her knees mouth ful of dick. They both freak out obvs. Dude puts his junk away, girl gets up, I'm like yo just take it home and do that etc. They're awkward as and mumble some shit, but the dude looks stoked with himself. I'm like you jiggaboos gotta leave, guy is like sweet bro and walks out with one of the other security lads not giving a f*ck. The girl is like ummmm ookkaayyy, but can I go tell my boyfriend I'm leaving please.... I'm just like fucking lololololol, lost my shit. Typical slooter. So I go with her to find her boyfriend, she goes and kisses him etc, I'm just thinking you poor c*nt.. He asks why she has to leave. Gets up in my face about it and mad. So I'm like f*ck it you deserve this slut, don't tell him she was banging some other dude etc, just say she's too pissed or whatever, he argues with me obvs. Goes to shove me, I'm just like suck a phat one brah, lock him up and drag his sorry ass out. His missus follows us. Chuck him in the gutter hoping he'll hit his head or some shit. He gets up mad as but backs away yelling abuse etc like a bitchy little boy. Couple minutes later I see him and his missus hooking up on the footpath and I have a sly chuckle at the dick he is getting all in and around his mouth haha.

Those are just two that popped into my head but yea, fucking eventful job lol. 95% of the time it was mint, only that small minority of people that make it lame but they get what's coming to them.

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BeastBuilder Senior member

BeastBuilder

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Not sure where you bounced bro but did you have many people getting in your facing saying lay one finger on me and I'll have you for assault? this is actually one of most annoying things especially when your just calmly standing there and they have come up to you and started the ordeal lol.

Fucking yes on this lol.

Everyone becomes a champion martial arts expert with ten huge friends waiting for them and a PhD in Law on a night out haha

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Tonkintechnique Member

Tonkintechnique

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Fucking yes on this lol.

Everyone becomes a champion martial arts expert with ten huge friends waiting for them and a PhD in Law on a night out haha

 

Christchurch is bad for this bro! If you ain't being called a c**t at least once in a night you ain't working Christchurch haha, Found working in Wellies so relaxed I couldn't believe it! 

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Bruce Al Senior member

Bruce Al

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On a sunday after watching the ufc at foxes, went to a bar on the viaduct called danni dollagans or some shit, an irish bar. Some big guy was knocking around a girl so the bouncers intervened, the guy puts up a fight but ends up getting thrown down some stairs, a decent amount of stars if i remember correctly. 5 mins or 10 or 20 or and hour later or something the guy was back with some mates and bottles the bouncer.

Was a Good Night, the drunken tourist girls were on top form.

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BeastBuilder Senior member

BeastBuilder

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Christchurch is bad for this bro! If you ain't being called a c**t at least once in a night you ain't working Christchurch haha, Found working in Wellies so relaxed I couldn't believe it!

Tell me about it bro !

I don't know what it is but everyone here has something to prove and is keen to just be a genuine prick. Majority are all talk too. All bark and no bite haha.

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maccaz Veteran member

maccaz

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On a sunday after watching the ufc at foxes, went to a bar on the viaduct called danni dollagans or some shit, an irish bar. Some big guy was knocking around a girl so the bouncers intervened, the guy puts up a fight but ends up getting thrown down some stairs, a decent amount of stars if i remember correctly. 5 mins or 10 or 20 or and hour later or something the guy was back with some mates and bottles the bouncer.

Was a Good Night, the drunken tourist girls were on top form.

buzzy that was my regular when i lived in nz, never saw any trouble there ever that i can recall

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Realtalk Veteran member

Realtalk

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i worked on the doors in Auckland on and off since I was about 20. I can only do it for a few months at a time then I need a break, I start to hate humans. The last job I had before I moved down the line was mint. The guy I knew from our combat club and I worked for had the security contracts for the busiest bars/clubs in Auckland. So Roxy, snapdragon, goldfinch... These might have changed names now I'm not sure and people will probably argue they aren't the best but it's fact that they are the busiest with the longest lines to get in. So cause I can speak English they put me at front of house usually with some big thug from South Auckland and we would run the door of these places. People never want to wait in a line when the place is going off so u would get people coming up to me all damn night asking if I would take a bribe to let them skip the line... So of course I did. f*ck the hourly rate I was creaming it, no door charge on these places majority of the time so it wasn't stealing... 3 people give me $50 to get in, a couple give me a $20. Honestly I would leave some nights with pockets full of cash, no shit most I made was $600 and I started at 9pm finished at 3am, plus my hourly rate of $18/hr. People would tell me to get a real job when I refuse them or kick them out but I would have made more than them per hour when I was front of house which was every weekend for the last 2 stints I did. So much money to be made on the door of the right place. People just punching people out... Those people don't have their COAs for long. You can't do that these days so much cctv and everyone's got a camera phone, the cops don't back you up. Eventually luck runs out and you're fucked with an assault charge.

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HarryB Veteran member

HarryB

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Not sure where you bounced bro but did you have many people getting in your facing saying lay one finger on me and I'll have you for assault? this is actually one of most annoying things especially when your just calmly standing there and they have come up to you and started the ordeal lol.

I bounced on and off from 17 til about 4 or 5 years ago lol I'm 43. I worked in NZ and over here in Australia. Everyone's a lawyer and a mma fighter.. or their a gangster or their mates a gangster or their mum's a gangster ha ha ha

I actually used to really enjoy it as a job cos I've never minded a bit of a punch up but over time my patience got less and less and.... less..

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BeastBuilder Senior member

BeastBuilder

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In on the feels itt.

Only dealing with the shit cunts of society gets to you eventually and takes the fun out of going out etc. End up with zero patience.

Missus noticed the difference when I stopped, was a lot more chilled, less snappy etc. Effects you without even realizing it.

Still old habits die hard, can't walk into a bar/club without scoping it out and picking up on the little things lol

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Tonkintechnique Member

Tonkintechnique

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In on the feels itt.

Only dealing with the shit cunts of society gets to you eventually and takes the fun out of going out etc. End up with zero patience.

Missus noticed the difference when I stopped, was a lot more chilled, less snappy etc. Effects you without even realizing it.

Still old habits die hard, can't walk into a bar/club without scoping it out and picking up on the little things lol

 

Feel ya!

 

On bribes, man last cup week in chch i was on the door for the whole week at a club i won't name but had at least 10 people a night offer me 50 to skip the line but dam 3 diff cameras pointing at the main door and the owner and manager would always go over the cameras the next morning in fast forward otherwise could of killed it haha.

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HarryB Veteran member

HarryB

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Christchurch is bad for this bro! If you ain't being called a c**t at least once in a night you ain't working Christchurch haha, Found working in Wellies so relaxed I couldn't believe it!

Lol first night I worked in Sydney a guy pulls out a knife and says "I'm gonna stab you ya fat c*nt"

Me... "wtf. .. I'm offseason"

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HarryB Veteran member

HarryB

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We used to do this thing here in certain parts of Sydney where the clubs would pay a few guys to just hang around in normal clothes and deal with problems in a way that guys standing on the door couldn't. Would spend 3 nights a week basically sitting in different cafes waiting for one of the clubs to text then we'd walk over and start a fight with whoever the ahole was and walk off. Good times :)

Was more for the bikies and gang related thugs than regular drop kicks.

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Tonkintechnique Member

Tonkintechnique

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We used to do this thing here in certain parts of Sydney where the clubs would pay a few guys to just hang around in normal clothes and deal with problems in a way that guys standing on the door couldn't. Would spend 3 nights a week basically sitting in different cafes waiting for one of the clubs to text then we'd walk over and start a fight with whoever the ahole was and walk off. Good times :)

Was more for the bikies and gang related thugs than regular drop kicks.

 

This would be a great asset haha, i've heard about this in Auckland as well going back quite a few years.

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