A bit of a unpleasent tale

[Lunchie]

So I decided I would share a recent experience here. Not for the sake of sympathy or create anger towards the person involved (because they really are very nice mostly) but rather because I have a suspicion once I get it off my chest I will feel better about it.

So I met a girl off a dating site. I know, I know, a terrible idea but thats what happened. For the sake of respecting her privacy I will call her Jane and I will call myself John. If you do happen to somehow know the person or myself please keep this to yourself out of respect for both of us.

Anyway so this person contacted me on the site and we started to exchange messages. This lasted for a few days and it became pretty obvious we had a lot in common and the convo flowed easily with many lols and rofls even. Now because we were not in the same town we were not able to meet for the first 6 weeks that we were talking.

This messaging on the site progressed to texting and then talking on the phone. All the while we were exchanging pics of each other. For my part my profile on the dating site explained that during the 2 years of my masters thesis at uni I had gained a fairly large amount of weight but that I was working towards changing this. I had also taken the time to explain to Jane that I was pretty overweight at the moment but that I hoped I would be back in shape in 6 months or so. I did this simply because I hate those people that post old and often much better pics of themselves on dating sites.

Anyway I had sent her pics of me from earlier when I was in shape and also pics of myself currently (fat). Things went along really really well for those weeks with us texting and calling and eventually we grew pretty darn close. Some very nice things were said between us about finally meeting someone that we felt a real connection with and even talking about travel and adventures we would both love to do etc and everything else you can just read between the lines on lol.

Anyway eventually we were both back in the same town after summer finished and so we arranged to meet. Several days b4 we arranged to meet we had a lengthy phone call where we discussed the fact that we were both obviously nervous about meeting up and I again reiterated that I was concerned my weight would be a problem, she once again said she did not mind this and that like me she basically was assuming we would end up together based on how well we had got along together.

So the meeting, well we met up and had a couple drinks and the convo flowed pretty well, after a little over an hour (we both planned to keep the first meeting short) we both left. A while later I text her asking what she thought and got a text backing apologizing and saying she felt no physical attraction to me. I felt pretty gutted about this and asked why she felt this was as I had explained to her what I weighed and felt I had been pretty honest about it. She said that she thought maybe she hadnt wanted to admit to herself how big I really was.

So as it stands we have parted ways and I am feeling pretty dam gutted about it as she was a very cool chick who not only shared many of my interests but upon learning I was into certain things she actually took the time to learn about them so she could discuss them with me (never had a girl do that b4).

I am fairly convinced that what happened was that despite what I said and the pics I sent her her mind created an image in her head of the "thin me" and linked that image with all the emotion and talking and texts, clearly I failed to get across to her just how big I was, so maybe my fault?, either way I just needed to get it off my chest and once again please if you do know either me or the girl in question keep it to yourself as I am sure we are both unhappy enough about the situation as is without needing extra hassles.

Cheers

Lunchie

P.S. I don't blame the girl or harbor resentment towards her but man, its brutal going from "I can't wait meet you and be with you" to "I have no physical attraction to you".....

PP.SS.

It has made me even more determined to never EVER allow my weight to be the thing that stops me from having a shot at the girl I want.

[Leeroid]

Unfortunate but true bro. At the end of the day, we are all organisms driven by one basic desire. And that desire is to reproduce, preferably with a healthy specimen to ensure the best chance of survival for our genes.

With the social conditioning of today, it may be possible to ignore small physical deformities or disabilities but it is still not attractive. Given the choice, all of us would like our partners to be physically complete as well as mentally. Obesity is indicative of health problems as well as possible thyroid disorders and so it is quite a turn off when a potential partner is overweight.

I know it's hard for you mate, but just use it as motivation. Good on you for trying, you'll get there one day!

[FellowshipOfTheRon]

really too bad that it happened after 6 months of going at it.. i think you are right on with the building up of the image in the mind, bound to happen after that much time without any face to face interaction. sad because sounds like you guys had something much more meaningful than raw physical attraction.

[Lunchie]

Unfortunate but true bro. At the end of the day, we are all organisms driven by one basic desire. And that desire is to reproduce, preferably with a healthy specimen to ensure the best chance of survival for our genes.

With the social conditioning of today, it may be possible to ignore small physical deformities or disabilities but it is still not attractive. Given the choice, all of us would like our partners to be physically complete as well as mentally. Obesity is indicative of health problems as well as possible thyroid disorders and so it is quite a turn off when a potential partner is overweight.

I know it's hard for you mate, but just use it as motivation. Good on you for trying, you'll get there one day!

The worst part is I have been in really good shape for most of my life its only in the past 3 years I have let things go. Was the first time I have been totally shut down by a girl in that manner. Was a pretty big wake up call that its time to really lose the weight now that my thesis is over.

And yeah at the end of the day you cant help who you are attracted to and I affraid that old saying of whats on the inside counts is only true AFTER you have actually decided to give things a shot which is of course decided in part (large part) by physical appearance. Hence why I am please I have already lost 15kg in the past 3 months or so, now just need to lose the rest.

Am I totally pathetic for wanting to get back in shape and try and give her another shot in 6 months time? is that a terrible idea?

[Lunchie]

really too bad that it happened after 6 months of going at it.. i think you are right on with the building up of the image in the mind, bound to happen after that much time without any face to face interaction. sad because sounds like you guys had something much more meaningful than raw physical attraction.

was 6 weeks not months

But yeah, if you read the sort of stuff she said I was kinda like... man, gezzzs dont you at least want to give it a shot and see what happens?

The big thing is tho, would I have been any different if she was in the over weight situation?> I dunno.... maybe not.

[AZIDE]

.

[train hard]

go meet a girl at the pub or at the supermarket not on web sites she did not really do anything wrong hardluck

[Lunchie]

":uw78499m]ultimately your own fault for being fat. she was right to tell you, instead of pretending it would be ok to spare your feelings. cant blame it on doing a thesis either

you could try losing the weight and try again with her. but if i was you i wouldn't bother as it will be really awkward for her and for you too i think after what happened.

idk this girl but she may have been fucking other guys the whole 6 weeks, she's on dating website(s) who knows. cut your losses, and move on. f*ck prostitutes or just fap til you're in a state to meet girls who are worth being with. imo atm you arent worth being with, and will only be able to hold onto girls who are physically unattractive or have srs head problems. not ones that are worth keeping

good luck.

yup, as brutally tough as that sounds I totally agree with you, I took a long hard look at myself in the mirror and honestly I wouldn't date me if I looked like this either. Still, 15kg down, maybe 40-50 to go.

I don't think she did anything wrong either really, I mean would have been nice to know earlier rather than later but you cant tell much from a photo especially if you "want" to believe there is something there.

I shall live and learn and get my sexy (body) back.

Cheers for the tough love AZIDE

[Lunchie]

Thanks for all the advice guys, has helped put everything in perspective.

[Andre01]

Lets just say, don't give up at all. I meet my man on line and now we have been together for almost 13 years and married for almost 3 (on the 28th of this month) and if there is hope for me, then there is hope for you. BTW yes I was fat (about 120kgs) when I meet my man and he is a self confessed prick when it comes to looks.

[I Declare War]

Lets just say, don't give up at all. I meet my man on line and now we have been together for almost 13 years and married for almost 3 (on the 28th of this month) and if there is hope for me, then there is hope for you. BTW yes I was fat (about 120kgs) when I meet my man and he is a self confessed prick when it comes to looks.

:think: :-| \:D/

[Kiwijuice]

I hope you just take it as motivation, if you want something its up to you to make the change so that you can have it. Sure chances are even when you get slim you wont get another chance with her, but there is plenty more like her out there just keep your chin up, train hard and eat clean.

[M.T]

That must have been hard to share "John" I thought it was very brave of you to do so. Personally I don't think that your weight is the issue here and you shouldn't take it so personally. The girl clearly had an idea of what she is attracted to and was stupid to lead you on like that knowing what you looked like and clearly a nice chap.

You cannot control what women think and you will spend many days/weeks/months trying to impress or look good for them for what vanity's sake? People fat or skinny get rejected all the time it would be too easy if they didn't I had my fair share so can relate. I say if you want to lose weight then lose weight FOR YOU. If you are happy and then stay the same and change some eating habbits or get more active after your studies are done.

You can always come to the dark side of powerlifting as I did when I became single a few years back and it changed my life for so many positive reasons, got fit put on muscle and found a new 'mate' :wink:

I hope you continue to share your progress all the best. :clap:

[jimmybro1]

Rough, but you gotta take risks.

[vracula]

you can lose the weight no probs :wink: !! Plunge into the fire and come back a sex machine!!Visualize what you want to look like and go after it like a beast!!

Call her up ,meet up and then call her fat!! She sounds like a cold bitch to me sorry.There were other ways of letting you off.

[vracula]

Lets just say, don't give up at all. I meet my man on line and now we have been together for almost 13 years and married for almost 3 (on the 28th of this month) and if there is hope for me, then there is hope for you. BTW yes I was fat (about 120kgs) when I meet my man and he is a self confessed prick when it comes to looks.

I thought all Gay people were?That's why you folks run the fashion industry. :pfft:

yes my wife makes me watch project runway.

[Kalidane]

":1h1hlvz0]ultimately your own fault for being fat. she was right to tell you, instead of pretending it would be ok to spare your feelings. cant blame it on doing a thesis either

you could try losing the weight and try again with her. but if i was you i wouldn't bother as it will be really awkward for her and for you too i think after what happened.

idk this girl but she may have been fucking other guys the whole 6 weeks, she's on dating website(s) who knows. cut your losses, and move on. f*ck prostitutes or just fap til you're in a state to meet girls who are worth being with. imo atm you arent worth being with, and will only be able to hold onto girls who are physically unattractive or have srs head problems. not ones that are worth keeping

good luck.

Strong this

+

Don't do stuff for the purpose of becoming attractive in her eyes. It didn't work out. She doesn't exist any more. Forget she ever did. Set your goals based on what you want to be. You're the one who has to do the heard work so the goal should be one you have set based on what you want.

tl;dr version - disregard bitches, acquire muscle.

[Optimass]

Some good advice coming through already - would only add that until you are comfortable with yourself how can you possibly function effectively in a relationship. If you ever have to market yourself and part of the pitch is "I'm not in really good shape now - this is what I used to look like .... etc etc" in an effort to cushion her opinion of you so that she may take pity on you ... it's going to be a fail.

(Correct me if I'm wrong ladies) But women like confident men. So what if you are obese ... I know heaps of big people that have partners ... (granted some of them are power lifters which supports M.Ts theory lol) but all of them are comfortable with it and don't make it sound like a disability.

Friend her on FB if you haven't already - remain passive in communication but start a mission to reconstruct your confidence by making a 12 week goal > but make it about you not her or anybody else. I guarantee once you start getting results people will start taking notice. Everyone loves when the little guy (underdog in this case :grin: ) wins :wink: May be she'll pay attention or may be you'll lose the weight, find your mojo and go out and smash some other mut online.

[musclenz]

Some good advice coming through already - would only add that until you are comfortable with yourself how can you possibly function effectively in a relationship. If you ever have to market yourself and part of the pitch is "I'm not in really good shape now - this is what I used to look like .... etc etc" in an effort to cushion her opinion of you so that she may take pity on you ... it's going to be a fail.

(Correct me if I'm wrong ladies) But women like confident men. So what if you are obese ... I know heaps of big people that have partners ... (granted some of them are power lifters which supports M.Ts theory lol) but all of them are comfortable with it and don't make it sound like a disability.

Friend her on FB if you haven't already - remain passive in communication but start a mission to reconstruct your confidence by making a 12 week goal > but make it about you not her or anybody else. I guarantee once you start getting results people will start taking notice. Everyone loves when the little guy (underdog in this case :grin: ) wins :wink: May be she'll pay attention or may be you'll lose the weight, find your mojo and go out and smash some other mut online.

this^^

Regrettably people are very shallow when it comes to physical looks. As stated above by many, lose the weight & get into shape for YOU, nobody else. You are not responsible for anyone but YOU. As you begin to return to a weight & composition that you are comfortable & proud of, you will attract those people to you who can see the efforts you have put in. However, do not dismiss others by their shape or size etc. Invariably, that can make a very bad match.

[Lunchie]

Some good advice coming through already - would only add that until you are comfortable with yourself how can you possibly function effectively in a relationship. If you ever have to market yourself and part of the pitch is "I'm not in really good shape now - this is what I used to look like .... etc etc" in an effort to cushion her opinion of you so that she may take pity on you ... it's going to be a fail.

(Correct me if I'm wrong ladies) But women like confident men. So what if you are obese ... I know heaps of big people that have partners ... (granted some of them are power lifters which supports M.Ts theory lol) but all of them are comfortable with it and don't make it sound like a disability.

Friend her on FB if you haven't already - remain passive in communication but start a mission to reconstruct your confidence by making a 12 week goal > but make it about you not her or anybody else. I guarantee once you start getting results people will start taking notice. Everyone loves when the little guy (underdog in this case :grin: ) wins :wink: May be she'll pay attention or may be you'll lose the weight, find your mojo and go out and smash some other mut online.

yeah I like this

I smashed out an awesome gym session today, destroyed the preacher curls and and dead lifts. Feeling much better, also best part... didn't think about her once. Stuff her, ganna get ripped and feel awesome for myself.

[Chemo]

Thats shit bro. Forget that chick she sounds like she doesn't know what she wants and woulda fucked you around anyway.

As for the future. Get in shape, not only because it will attact a more attractive girl your way, but because it will help your confidence. And that will give your the power to get the girl you want.

I think Opti is on to it. Think about all the fugly dudes who have nice women.

Confidence, and charm.

Or

Get rich. Buy a trophy wife.

Holla holla get dolla.

Good luck man