"Gym Weirdos"

[muscles_from_russels]

We all know these types of guys at the gym. You've probably seen one, know one, or hell, you may even be one. Here are 20 weirdos that are in every gym!

1. Barbody

The most common gym lurker. As the name implies, this guy works on muscles to show off at the bar, with purpose of impressing chicks or intimidating pencil necks. Usually, it's a young guy between 15-25 years old, who's at the gym working on every upper body muscle he can see from the front.

The routine consists of endless curls, bench presses, pushdowns and seated presses. Once in a while, you see him throw in a few lat pulldowns and crunches just for fun.

2. Chat Boy

This type of guy is rare, but you don't want to run into him. Chat boy wants to discuss lifting, eating, or life in general with you, often in great detail.

Now, I have nothing against conversation, especially workout talk, but chat boy doesn't know when to stop and turns a one-hour workout into two.

3. The Sharp Dressed Man

Believe me, not every girl is going crazy for this guy. Mr. Designer Gee-wa man! *Cough* Pansy!

4. Stanky

Stanky, for lack of a better term, stank. It's not a natural "I just busted my a$$ and sweated a fountain" type of odor - it's more of a festering pile of sh*t smell that assaults the nose.

I'm pretty sure that he doesn't bathe himself, his gym clothes, his underwear -or most likely all three. I can smell him downwind and it's so bad that if he works out next to me, I would finish what I was doing quickly and run for oxygen!

5. David Tua Jr.

I'm all for boxing, I think it's a great way to stay fit and relieve tension. What I don't get is the guy shadowboxing in front of the dumbbells.

My gym has no boxing equipment, not even a place to jump rope, yet Tua Jr. comes here three times a week to get ready for Lennox Lewis. Here's a hint: it's not that kind of gym.

6. Mutterer

This guy loads the bar up with way too much weight, eekes out 3 reps with bad form and then mutters "shit", loudly, after his set prematurely ends.

He's under the impression that everyone cares how much he's lifting, and wants us to know that any other day he could have made the lift. If you see this, make sure to avoid eye contact, otherwise you'll end up hearing a lengthy, bullsh*t explanation for the travesty you have just witnessed.

7. Tightpants

This is self-explanatory. If you even think this might apply to you, buy some new pants. Now!

8. Mr. Scream

No matter what weight this guy is using, or what rep he's on, he feels the need to share his pain with us. A certain amount of noise is understandable, and even expected on certain movements (i.e., squats), but nobody wants to hear you yell through 4 sets of tricep pushdowns.

9. The Hurler

Unfortunately, this has nothing to do with puking. This guy feels the need to launch any weight he's just finished using, especially dumbbells, onto the floor with as much force as humanly possible! Not only is this a hazard for anyone near him, it breaks down the dumbbells.

Losing control when lowering weights might happen once in awhile, but launching the weights so everyone can look and see how much you used is just a tad insane! :shifty:

10. The Tag Team

I thought this one was overstated by everyone, until I joined my latest gym. The team, as the name implies, is actually two guys working together to lift the same weight.

This is almost always on the bench press, where one guy loads the bar up and his friend helps him pull every rep after the second one.

I've even seen instances where a guy was helped on all of his reps. Rhetorical question time: If you need help to bench 150 kgs, do you really bench 150?

11. The Entourage

Another one that borders on cliché: You've seen the group of guys - usually school to early 20's - lifting together. They almost always congregate at the bench or preacher bench. They hog up this area without seeming to do any work.

They're more interested in what party they're going to or which chick they're trying to score with. Lord help you if you want to bench when they're around.

12. Cable Guy

This guy, for one reason or another, lives by the cables. Maybe he thinks they're better or safer or maybe he just misses his Bowflex. Either way, cable crossovers, cable curls, cable crunches and cable lateral raises do not a workout make.

13. The Child

I couldn't think of more appropriate name for the guy who loads up a bar or machine, does his reps and leaves it. The next person is then stuck with the task of unloading plate after plate this jerk just lifted.

14. Mr. Smith

Have you ever seen anyone base his entire workout around the Smith Machine? Most savvy lifters are well versed in the limitations (and evils) of the Smith machine. However, Mr. Smith treats it like a long lost relative and tries to spend as much time on or around it as possible and does each and every rep S-U-P-E-R S-L-O-W!!!!

Bench press? Check. Squat? Check. Incline press? Check. Barbell row and round your back? Check. Extra shearing on his joints? Check. Injury? On its way...

15. Mr. Bench and Press Up

After a set on the bench, he hits the floor on the instructions of his personal trainer for a quick twenty press-ups. Bound to improve mass and aid growth right? Oh, my bad, our boy wants to tone, not build muscle :doh:

16. The Wanderer

This guy combines his love of walking with weightlifting. His routine: load the bar up, do a set, walk around the gym for 10 minutes and repeat 4 or 5 times. My favorite is when they load up a bar, leave it in the squat rack and come back and curl it. What a winner!!

17. Poor Form Man

Closely related to Mr. Smith (I'm sure they'll end up in the same waiting room, sooner or later) is the Poor Form Man. Let's see: deadlifts like a turtle waiting to be mounted, curls with so much momentum he's nearly doing backflips and benches with an arch you could drive a Mini Cooper through. Hey bro, hear that crackling noise? It's your spine.

18. Captain Crunch

This guy's claim to fame is doing 8 consecutive sets with the crunch rope, with a 5 second rest period in between. His answer when I asked him if I could use the rope: "No!! I have 10 more sets!" I wonder if his waist has gotten any smaller? :pfft:

19. Miss. Lunge and Walk

You know her all too well. She's the one lunging by, past, around, and in-between every piece of equipment in the gym with a dumbell in each hand. Watch out men!!! Here comes Jamie Lee Fitness and she means business!!!

20. Rack And Roller

This has to be seen to be believed: this guy goes to the dumbbell rack, picks the dumbbells off the rack, places them on the floor and then rolls them to whatever bench he's working on.

When he's done, he rolls them back. It's a good thing too... I mean I wouldn't want him to exert himself!!

21. Charlie Bandana

Charlie shows up to the gym in clothes that would embarrass Hulk Hogan :oops: Apparently, he learned everything he knows about gym attire from reading Flex... in 1986!!

The bandana, clown pants, and shit-kicker boots are bad enough, but it's the silly muscle T-shirts ("Fear This!") and ("Muscle Factory!") that really push him over the top. I'm sure he feels ultra hardcore, but he looks like a tool.

22. Mr. Used to Kick Ass

20 years ago, he dominated the rugby field at school. I know this because I've heard him tell his story at least 50 times. It's either right before or right after he looks in your direction and says: "I used to lift more than this."

Every time a young guy with a decent build comes near him he asks, "You play rugby?" This inevitably leads to a retelling of RT's past glories. Hey bro, leave the kids alone - it's over.

23. Treadmill Man

It's bad enough to watch people bounce the bar off their chests and squat 2 inches down, but now I have to see cheating during cardio?! Because walking at 1 km an hr is apparently tiring and too stressful, Treadmill Man eases his pain by leaning onto the equipment with a resigned sigh of defeat to support his bulbous form.

24. The Scholar

You know him, of course you do, he's the one that knows everything about bodybuilding. Even though he's a big tub of lard wearing two shirts and a swannie to make him look "huge!" Did you know that shoulder presses crush your bones? Or that if you lift slow you will move slow? Or that if you don't stretch you won't get cut?

25. Mr. Nat-u-rale....

The biggest "natural" guy in the gym. You listen to this munter talk about the virtues of being natural and how unfair it is that he has to compete against steroid enhanced bodybuilders and then you see him saunter through a half assed workout because "I'll never win the big titles!" Gimme a break!

26. Dumbellina

Okay, I know I said this would be about guys, but I'm sure at least one woman will read this. Anyway, Dumbellina is the epitome of what women shouldn't be doing in the gym.

Her entire workout revolves around those tiny cast iron dumbbells that wouldn't give a toddler a good workout. I'm not sure what's she's doing with them, but it looks like her goal is to one day flap her arms and take to the sky.

One of these days, I expect to see her gracefully soaring over the parking lot. The good thing is, I'm sure those nasty itty bitty weights won't make her too big.

27. Desperado

Every gym has at least one of these guys, whose sole purpose at the gym is to search for someone to rub up against. His habits of constantly leering at, hitting on, or "accidentally" bumping into the female members make him a nuisance. One of these days he's going to bump the wrong girl and end up with a 20kg plate sticking in the side of his head.

28. Captain 21's

You know him well, the guy with the pile of little girl weights at his feet that are steadily accumulating like he's building himself a little fortress of steel. Watch him go - 7 reps side laterals, 7 reps front, 7 reps rear. Now drop those suckers! C'mon, 7 reps curl, 7 reps kickbacks etc... etc... Now stand back and watch him grow!!! Better widen those doorways quick....

29. Teacher

Teacher has somehow managed talk his girlfriend into going to the gym and letting him train her. Unfortunately, he thinks she needs to follow his "hardcore" training methods. It's almost comical listening to him tell her that leg pressing is for sissies.

It's even funnier to listen to him correct her out loud for wanting to "tone up." Bro, she doesn't care if "getting toned" is a misnomer -- she just wants to look good. She squats with better form than you anyway... :pfft:

[Gym rat]

Very Classic and what a very classic crack up :pfft: :pfft: :pfft: .

[2guns]

gym rat u are number 21

[disasterpiece]

Very Classic and what a very classic crack up :pfft: :pfft: :pfft: .

what the hell :-s :-s

[biggurl27]

Hey what is wrong with walking lunges?

[Laver]

Number 19 made me lol.

Never seen it but I'd piss myself if I did.

*Sees bigurls post and edits quickly*

Nothing wrong with walking lunges, just look funny

No really, it would make me laugh seeing somebody weave in and out of the equipment with them, a straight line and back would be fine. :nod:

[soundsgood]

When people see me with dumbells in hand, pacing up and down the hall they better jump out my way :nod:

I Might look funny doing them and people may laugh, but bet my quads are twice as big as theirs!

[fitkate]

You are a bloody genius! I think each category is well represented at my gym.

Although, like bigurl, I am guilty of walking lunges....always in a straight line though, away from the main flow of equipment and people......and hey.......my ass is thanking me for it.

[biggurl27]

I go in the main path and have a look like "get the hell out of my way I'm in pain here!"

[Luigi]

very funny and true, what a very classic crackup indeed mr bandana

[Danomyte]

BAHAHAHAHA Mean Maori Mean post.

You just described every possible type person in the gym. Classic. Made me LOL!!!! Especially #22, got a couple of guys at my gym like that :pfft:

[2guns]

Mean Maori Mean

:roll:

[2guns]

We all know these types of guys at the gym. You've probably seen one, know one, or hell, you may even be one. Here are 20 weirdos that are in every gym!

1. Barbody

The most common gym lurker. As the name implies, this guy works on muscles to show off at the bar, with purpose of impressing chicks or intimidating pencil necks. Usually, it's a young guy between 15-25 years old, who's at the gym working on every upper body muscle he can see from the front.

The routine consists of endless curls, bench presses, pushdowns and seated presses. Once in a while, you see him throw in a few lat pulldowns and crunches just for fun.

2. Chat Boy

This type of guy is rare, but you don't want to run into him. Chat boy wants to discuss lifting, eating, or life in general with you, often in great detail.

Now, I have nothing against conversation, especially workout talk, but chat boy doesn't know when to stop and turns a one-hour workout into two.

3. The Sharp Dressed Man

Believe me, not every girl is going crazy for this guy. Mr. Designer Gee-wa man! *Cough* Pansy!

4. Stanky

Stanky, for lack of a better term, stank. It's not a natural "I just busted my a$$ and sweated a fountain" type of odor - it's more of a festering pile of sh*t smell that assaults the nose.

I'm pretty sure that he doesn't bathe himself, his gym clothes, his underwear -or most likely all three. I can smell him downwind and it's so bad that if he works out next to me, I would finish what I was doing quickly and run for oxygen!

5. David Tua Jr.

I'm all for boxing, I think it's a great way to stay fit and relieve tension. What I don't get is the guy shadowboxing in front of the dumbbells.

My gym has no boxing equipment, not even a place to jump rope, yet Tua Jr. comes here three times a week to get ready for Lennox Lewis. Here's a hint: it's not that kind of gym.

6. Mutterer

This guy loads the bar up with way too much weight, eekes out 3 reps with bad form and then mutters "shit", loudly, after his set prematurely ends.

He's under the impression that everyone cares how much he's lifting, and wants us to know that any other day he could have made the lift. If you see this, make sure to avoid eye contact, otherwise you'll end up hearing a lengthy, bullsh*t explanation for the travesty you have just witnessed.

7. Tightpants

This is self-explanatory. If you even think this might apply to you, buy some new pants. Now!

8. Mr. Scream

No matter what weight this guy is using, or what rep he's on, he feels the need to share his pain with us. A certain amount of noise is understandable, and even expected on certain movements (i.e., squats), but nobody wants to hear you yell through 4 sets of tricep pushdowns.

9. The Hurler

Unfortunately, this has nothing to do with puking. This guy feels the need to launch any weight he's just finished using, especially dumbbells, onto the floor with as much force as humanly possible! Not only is this a hazard for anyone near him, it breaks down the dumbbells.

Losing control when lowering weights might happen once in awhile, but launching the weights so everyone can look and see how much you used is just a tad insane! :shifty:

10. The Tag Team

I thought this one was overstated by everyone, until I joined my latest gym. The team, as the name implies, is actually two guys working together to lift the same weight.

This is almost always on the bench press, where one guy loads the bar up and his friend helps him pull every rep after the second one.

I've even seen instances where a guy was helped on all of his reps. Rhetorical question time: If you need help to bench 150 kgs, do you really bench 150?

11. The Entourage

Another one that borders on cliché: You've seen the group of guys - usually school to early 20's - lifting together. They almost always congregate at the bench or preacher bench. They hog up this area without seeming to do any work.

They're more interested in what party they're going to or which chick they're trying to score with. Lord help you if you want to bench when they're around.

12. Cable Guy

This guy, for one reason or another, lives by the cables. Maybe he thinks they're better or safer or maybe he just misses his Bowflex. Either way, cable crossovers, cable curls, cable crunches and cable lateral raises do not a workout make.

13. The Child

I couldn't think of more appropriate name for the guy who loads up a bar or machine, does his reps and leaves it. The next person is then stuck with the task of unloading plate after plate this jerk just lifted.

14. Mr. Smith

Have you ever seen anyone base his entire workout around the Smith Machine? Most savvy lifters are well versed in the limitations (and evils) of the Smith machine. However, Mr. Smith treats it like a long lost relative and tries to spend as much time on or around it as possible and does each and every rep S-U-P-E-R S-L-O-W!!!!

Bench press? Check. Squat? Check. Incline press? Check. Barbell row and round your back? Check. Extra shearing on his joints? Check. Injury? On its way...

15. Mr. Bench and Press Up

After a set on the bench, he hits the floor on the instructions of his personal trainer for a quick twenty press-ups. Bound to improve mass and aid growth right? Oh, my bad, our boy wants to tone, not build muscle :doh:

16. The Wanderer

This guy combines his love of walking with weightlifting. His routine: load the bar up, do a set, walk around the gym for 10 minutes and repeat 4 or 5 times. My favorite is when they load up a bar, leave it in the squat rack and come back and curl it. What a winner!!

17. Poor Form Man

Closely related to Mr. Smith (I'm sure they'll end up in the same waiting room, sooner or later) is the Poor Form Man. Let's see: deadlifts like a turtle waiting to be mounted, curls with so much momentum he's nearly doing backflips and benches with an arch you could drive a Mini Cooper through. Hey bro, hear that crackling noise? It's your spine.

18. Captain Crunch

This guy's claim to fame is doing 8 consecutive sets with the crunch rope, with a 5 second rest period in between. His answer when I asked him if I could use the rope: "No!! I have 10 more sets!" I wonder if his waist has gotten any smaller? :pfft:

19. Miss. Lunge and Walk

You know her all too well. She's the one lunging by, past, around, and in-between every piece of equipment in the gym with a dumbell in each hand. Watch out men!!! Here comes Jamie Lee Fitness and she means business!!!

20. Rack And Roller

This has to be seen to be believed: this guy goes to the dumbbell rack, picks the dumbbells off the rack, places them on the floor and then rolls them to whatever bench he's working on.

When he's done, he rolls them back. It's a good thing too... I mean I wouldn't want him to exert himself!!

21. Charlie Bandana

Charlie shows up to the gym in clothes that would embarrass Hulk Hogan :oops: Apparently, he learned everything he knows about gym attire from reading Flex... in 1986!!

The bandana, clown pants, and shit-kicker boots are bad enough, but it's the silly muscle T-shirts ("Fear This!") and ("Muscle Factory!") that really push him over the top. I'm sure he feels ultra hardcore, but he looks like a tool.

22. Mr. Used to Kick Ass

20 years ago, he dominated the rugby field at school. I know this because I've heard him tell his story at least 50 times. It's either right before or right after he looks in your direction and says: "I used to lift more than this."

Every time a young guy with a decent build comes near him he asks, "You play rugby?" This inevitably leads to a retelling of RT's past glories. Hey bro, leave the kids alone - it's over.

23. Treadmill Man

It's bad enough to watch people bounce the bar off their chests and squat 2 inches down, but now I have to see cheating during cardio?! Because walking at 1 km an hr is apparently tiring and too stressful, Treadmill Man eases his pain by leaning onto the equipment with a resigned sigh of defeat to support his bulbous form.

24. The Scholar

You know him, of course you do, he's the one that knows everything about bodybuilding. Even though he's a big tub of lard wearing two shirts and a swannie to make him look "huge!" Did you know that shoulder presses crush your bones? Or that if you lift slow you will move slow? Or that if you don't stretch you won't get cut?

25. Mr. Nat-u-rale....

The biggest "natural" guy in the gym. You listen to this munter talk about the virtues of being natural and how unfair it is that he has to compete against steroid enhanced bodybuilders and then you see him saunter through a half assed workout because "I'll never win the big titles!" Gimme a break!

26. Dumbellina

Okay, I know I said this would be about guys, but I'm sure at least one woman will read this. Anyway, Dumbellina is the epitome of what women shouldn't be doing in the gym.

Her entire workout revolves around those tiny cast iron dumbbells that wouldn't give a toddler a good workout. I'm not sure what's she's doing with them, but it looks like her goal is to one day flap her arms and take to the sky.

One of these days, I expect to see her gracefully soaring over the parking lot. The good thing is, I'm sure those nasty itty bitty weights won't make her too big.

27. Desperado

Every gym has at least one of these guys, whose sole purpose at the gym is to search for someone to rub up against. His habits of constantly leering at, hitting on, or "accidentally" bumping into the female members make him a nuisance. One of these days he's going to bump the wrong girl and end up with a 20kg plate sticking in the side of his head.

28. Captain 21's

You know him well, the guy with the pile of little girl weights at his feet that are steadily accumulating like he's building himself a little fortress of steel. Watch him go - 7 reps side laterals, 7 reps front, 7 reps rear. Now drop those suckers! C'mon, 7 reps curl, 7 reps kickbacks etc... etc... Now stand back and watch him grow!!! Better widen those doorways quick....

29. Teacher

Teacher has somehow managed talk his girlfriend into going to the gym and letting him train her. Unfortunately, he thinks she needs to follow his "hardcore" training methods. It's almost comical listening to him tell her that leg pressing is for sissies.

It's even funnier to listen to him correct her out loud for wanting to "tone up." Bro, she doesn't care if "getting toned" is a misnomer -- she just wants to look good. She squats with better form than you anyway... :pfft:

good post btw

[poos_n_wees]

20. Rack And Roller

This has to be seen to be believed: this guy goes to the dumbbell rack, picks the dumbbells off the rack, places them on the floor and then rolls them to whatever bench he's working on.

When he's done, he rolls them back. It's a good thing too... I mean I wouldn't want him to exert himself!!

Aww mannnn.. :oops:

[Danomyte]

Mean Maori Mean

:roll:

:oops: LOL

Nah stuff you 2guns :pfft: . MEAN MAORI MEAN!!!!!!!!!!!! \:D/

[thatwaslight]

dude youve got to much free time aye.

[frogie2001]

it's so funny that there is a group of gay lads at my gym that fit into multiple categories.

you got most of them, i can add from the UK

WAG wanna be

the girl with a nice figure and orange skin whos whole aim in life seems to be to have a figure to attract a wealthy male support system. once she takls to you and learns you income you'll be lucky to see her near you again.

Team weight lifters.

A group of 3 to 4 guys that mill around the bench press for at least an hour at a time with breaks that last in excess of 10 mins for each.

Mirror man.

the guy that wears a singlet every day, works out the chest every day and after each set looks in the mirror to see his chest (oddly enough due to the lack of recovery time he hasn't grown in the last 12 months).

[muscles_from_russels]

Most of the above are from an email a mate sent me a few months back, but I added a few of my own to the list.

Most especially Miss. Lunge and Walk :pfft:

I work out at Health & Sports gym in Kingsland. You have to prepare yourself before you walk in to be mowed down by packs of vicious females in spandex. You can see them coming a mile away. They're the ones with that steely look of fierce determination in their eyes and they break for no-one!!! :evil:

[TheGus]

20. Rack And Roller

This has to be seen to be believed: this guy goes to the dumbbell rack, picks the dumbbells off the rack, places them on the floor and then rolls them to whatever bench he's working on.

When he's done, he rolls them back. It's a good thing too... I mean I wouldn't want him to exert himself!!

Aww mannnn.. :oops:

This was me working out when I broke my ankle.

[KooKoo]

Most of the above are from an email a mate sent me a few months back, but I added a few of my own to the list.

Most especially Miss. Lunge and Walk :pfft:

I work out at Health & Sports gym in Kingsland. You have to prepare yourself before you walk in to be mowed down by packs of vicious females in spandex. You can see them coming a mile away. They're the ones with that steely look of fierce determination in their eyes and they break for no-one!!! :evil:

Hey, that's where I work out... I think I'm Miss Lunge and Walk... seriously :pfft:

No spandex here there, but yep, if you get in my way, I will beat you down

[2guns]

Most of the above are from an email a mate sent me a few months back, but I added a few of my own to the list.

Most especially Miss. Lunge and Walk :pfft:

I work out at Health & Sports gym in Kingsland. You have to prepare yourself before you walk in to be mowed down by packs of vicious females in spandex. You can see them coming a mile away. They're the ones with that steely look of fierce determination in their eyes and they break for no-one!!! :evil:

Hey, that's where I work out... I think I'm Miss Lunge and Walk... seriously :pfft:

No spandex here there, but yep, if you get in my way, I will beat you down

no spandex?

kookoo, wat do u wear? :pfft:

[muscles_from_russels]

Most of the above are from an email a mate sent me a few months back, but I added a few of my own to the list.

Most especially Miss. Lunge and Walk :pfft:

I work out at Health & Sports gym in Kingsland. You have to prepare yourself before you walk in to be mowed down by packs of vicious females in spandex. You can see them coming a mile away. They're the ones with that steely look of fierce determination in their eyes and they break for no-one!!! :evil:

Hey, that's where I work out... I think I'm Miss Lunge and Walk... seriously :pfft:

No spandex here there, but yep, if you get in my way, I will beat you down

Well I'll be there in about an hour to workout so go easy on us guys!! :cry:

We're fragile creatures :roll: I don't wanna be roadkill!!! :pfft:

[KooKoo]

no spandex?

kookoo, wat do u wear? :pfft:

Fanny pack :wink:

[2guns]

lol!!

and mussels from russels are u a female?

[disasterpiece]

lol just a fanny pack?